Asian Corners

Asian Corners is a learning community at Santa Fe for those interested in engaging in discussion about Asian culture, history, politics, and more. A different topic is highlighted each week and participants get the chance to explore the theme with other students and professors from a variety of fields and backgrounds. Subjects ranged from modern environmental issues to the perception of personal space to popular social games. One of the discussions I found to be most interesting was regarding dating and marriage in China, and the highly involved role of Chinese parents.

Marriage in China, the union of two families, is a serious affair. For many Chinese parents their child’s marriage determines how they will be taken care of in their old age. Some parents may “invest” into a desirable relationship by providing the couple with an apartment and/or car. Additionally, there is a lot of social pressure on young women to find a suitable match encouraged by the Chinese government. There’s even a term for a woman who is still unmarried by a certain age (about 27 or so) - it translates to “leftover lady”.

I liked this discussion because it reinforced an experience I had while in Beijing this summer. While visiting the Temple of Heaven, we encountered a group of Chinese parents carrying fliers with their children’s personal information (such as age, occupation, height and weight, pictures, etc.) seeking information from others. Several of the fliers were on behalf of women that were older than me. To be honest, I felt borderline offended at first. I would have a fit if my mother failed to respect my privacy by intruding into my own personal life to that degree.

However, when I spoke to some of the students I had met at Beijing Union University, they explained that young people are often quite busy with school or work and some may have trouble finding the time to socialize. Parents will be concerned if their children aren’t in a relationship by their mid-20s and some may choose to attend these gatherings to collect information about other young people their children might be interested in. The BUU students told me that it’s usually the more old-fashioned or traditional parents that do this, and some young people do appreciate the help because it’s easier for them to find someone they like.

A fellow student with family from India that attended this discussion told us that this idea of taking the joining of two families seriously is very much like her own culture. Further, she actually embraces the idea of an arranged marriage for herself. She believes it will be easier and better, and she trusts her parents in finding someone right for her and her family. It was really interesting to hear from someone in person with this view. In classrooms we’ve contrasted marriage as economic contract arranged by outside parties carrying certain expectations of roles versus emotional choice prioritizing individual desires. It’s one thing to consider these practices abstractly and without context. However, speaking to a peer, hearing first hand their beliefs, and being able to ask them questions is a far more meaningful way to understand the perspective of someone different.